Frank54324 Full guide here (Option #1 covers connecting the Handy to your Quest 2 and SLR), but based on what you wrote it sounds like you might be adding some extra steps in.
If you've already set up your Handy to connect to your wifi, you don't need to involve your phone in the mix. Just push the wifi button on the Handy until you see the solid(ish) purple light, then enter your Handy's connection key in the settings of the DeoVR app to connect. If you have issues connecting with your device's key, this happened to me a few days ago - I just had to generate a new connection key in the Handy app. After I did that and entered the new code in the DeoVR settings, it connected right away.
If the above doesn't work for you, you can always reach out directly to support using this form.
